MAYHEM - Issue Four

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Conor Maxwell


It’s funny
seeing you in
white satin
In an azure sash
In a rush-laced corset

because men wear it that way

It’s funny
seeing you bare
Sheer slip evening wear
cherry gloss lip stain
half a glass of scotch

Seeing you

smoking electronic nicotine
In a wrinkled shower cap
In fuzzy size tens

It’s funny
seeing you cry
Pinstripe waistcoat

Soaked in merlot
Soaked in sauvignon

Shattered wood
glass splinter sanguineous cuffs
southern country fowl
Tied yellow

with a little yellow bow
You’re a little yellow bow

It’s funny when

Limp wristed regicide
Balmorals polished with


decorated soldier
christen virgin cleaver
soar rubber
citrus ligaments sever

at the ankles


ivory knuckles
tenderise human flesh

When she

cradles tongue
in a molar vice
Saliva violation
A flute of vomit
Load of fresh hundreds
between her breasts

It’s funny when you’re the gun
The safe behind the varnish
Chipped auburn paint
exposed wires
hi-Point 995 9mm Carbine
ten rounds
two dimensions

It’s only funny
because it’s you

Contributor's Note
Conor is an actor, writer, tutor and post-graduate student of English at the University of Waikato. His claim to fame is that he once defeated national icon Jason Gunn in a fist fight, but don't ask him about that, because he'll just deny it.